I sometimes have very vivid dreams. This caused me some trouble as a youngster as I would wake up in a panic about something terrible that had just ‘happened’ in my dream. As I got older, the real-to-me dreams continued.
Sometimes, they get me into trouble. I’ve had to go check on my kids — sobbing quietly — to make sure they are still breathing after dreaming about one of them having a horrible accident & dying. My darling husband doesn’t really care to have me mad at him because I dreamt he cheated on me the night before. (Intellectually, I know it wasn’t real. But when I have such a clear dream, it is hard to disassociate with the emotions that come along for the ride.) I’ve contemplated confessing those very real dreams in which I’ve cheated on my husband. (These seem to only come when I’m pregnant for some reason.) The guilt that accompanies them is overwhelming.
I had one of those vivid dreams last night. In this dream, whenever my mother drove the car back to our old neighborhood, we would pass backwards in time about six or seven years. My children & I were the only ones who realized we were in the past. (My mother & sister were also in the car with us and they didn’t seem to remember the future when we were in the past & they didn’t remember being in the past when we went back to the future.) My father was still alive. My joy at seeing him was uncontainable. I ran to give him a hug immediately.
His hug back to me was the same as it was when he was alive. He would loosely put his arms around me & pat my rear end a couple of times (like football players do to each other) and then let go. (When I woke up, I wondered, did he hug the others this way? I don’t remember.)
We traveled backward in time twice during the night. I was able to get two wonderful hugs from my father.
I am so grateful for the hugs I received last night, even if they were only in a dream. Because they felt real to me. I felt my father’s love last night.